"Technology Has Brought Us These Self-Important Twits"

You know, sometimes I walk about in this country and think that maybe we should have licenses based totally on social etiquette. The problem is there’s no rational system we can use on the behavior patterns of people. Now I will constantly revert back to times where I have stated that even I have a momentary lapse in judgment and reason and do something downright stupid and usually there either a cute girl and/or alcohol involved. I freely admit I am human as well and am not infallible, I am prone to making really stupid mistakes. That said, I do get amazed on how dumb witted the human race has become. I mean these huge amounts of responsibility and we play with them like a Tonka toy instead of treating them like the privileges that they are. Now I’m targeting one group; us guys, and I’m targeting one piece of technology; the cell phone.

What the fuck is up with this contraption and us? I even catch myself about to abuse the cell phone privilege by talking in it when I am in the check out line. The person on the other line MUST understand that I have to pay attention to everything but that current conversation I’m having with them and after I am done, depending on the person or mood, I may call them back to continue on what we were talking about. Still, I have the ability to become oblivious to my surroundings once I’m on my cell.

The bluetooth head set has made it worse. The only place a person is supposed to be using that contraption is when driving a vehicle. See, this is why it was created for the common man, when you are driving down the road you can take a call without the threat of a police officer deciding to pull you over because he sees a contraption in your ear and there’s a local law against such behavior that you were unaware about. It is also wonderful for us truck drivers because we can talk and still have use of both of our arms which is much needed while transporting a vehicle that can legally get up to 40 tons in weight. Yeah, peeps who don’t drive a commercial vehicle, 40 tons; and to you lamens that’s eighty thousand pounds, to put it in perspective; the bluetooth is a God send to us. The problem is it lends to my biggest pet peeve with the cell phone and us guys.

There are certain times in a day that you are not supposed to answer and talk on a cell phone EVER! In the checkout lane is one; it is not only rude to the cashier but it is rude to the people behind the dumbass. Get the fuck off the phone, pay for your items, get into your car so we don’t have to deal with your arrogant ass and then resume your conversation on your phone, you precious twit. Quite possible, since you have established that you are oblivious to the world, hopefully you’ll resume while driving so you can have a cop pull you over and get a ticket or maybe run into a cow, utility pole, or tree. Either way, I hope it’ll not kill you, because I don’t wish that on anyone, and maybe, possibly, jar some common sense into your pea-sized brain, you amoeba!

The second case is when they are driving, but I’m sure you’ve all heard it before. I know I am no better than them honking my horn behind them so they can realize they are actually in a deadly situation. They normally panic and nearly swerve you off the road, not a good idea.

And finally, third, and this is really sick, do not fucking answer you phone while you are in the middle of doing anything in the rest room or bathroom; this includes taking a bath or just sitting in the Jacuzzi. When I am on the phone with someone I don’t want that visual. I have a friend of mine who used to do that constantly to me. He’d call up and immediately I would hear the sound of water splashing so I cannot help but chastise him; “Oh man you’re in the Jacuzzi again! Oh why, why, why?”

But the worst in the bathroom is when they decide to answer the phone while relieving themselves at the urinal or doing their business in the stall… Yep, I will give some of you some time to let that sink in, including you ladies, they are talking on the phone while making a protein deposit. I really wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t for the straining noises they make while on the phone, WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO HEAR THAT?! NOT I! Leave that business away from that area, please, for the sake of those who don’t give a fuck about your life around you and whoever is on the other end of that phone. I have already determined out of self-evaluation that you have absolutely no class, please don’t prove me right. For all I know there are some sick bastards who would use their blackberry to take a picture of their business and send it with people with the caption, “Look! Corn!”

And with that last thought I will leave you all to your day to day lives.

H.R. Green, 18th of October, 2009, 11:17 a.m. Burtchville, MI