Geppetto You Ain't

Many people in any sort of business that requires promoting will tell you “there are no such things as a bad publicity.”  Well, really, that isn’t the case, especially with this age of social media.  The world is full of eggshells on the ground and you have to be careful not to step in the wrong place and make the loudest noise.

 

Recently I came across a review for a comedy show that was produced by a twitter bud of mine, Victoria Banner called Goddamn Millennials.  I’ve seen YouTube videos on all the comedians featured in the show and they were all pretty funny.  Victoria is also damned funny otherwise she wouldn’t be mentioned here.  Anyway, this apparent reviewer claims to be from California and can write you a “newspaper article for press release” for a mere five dollars.  Now one, this person is definitely a scam artist and not a very good one, and, two, you usually get what you pay for; just five dollars will not get you much.

 

You can read the review in question here: https://victoriabanner.com/2016/06/19/high-praise-for-my-shows-according-to-a-freelance-writer-from-singapore/.  Just don’t read it with your literary eyes; it’s painful.  This is just for a laugh.  Remember this person is supposed to be writing a review for a comedy show that featured four comedians from the Vancouver BC area.  The reviewer could have written better if he just saw the promo videos Victoria created and posted on her YouTube channel then just creating a document out of the air attempting to baffle the readership with b*^#$@!t.  Victoria even made a video trying to read the review out loud.  Here’s a link to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCUx_BF22E4. This is so bad it’s comedy gold.

 

So after delving into this I got to thinking; this must be happening in the literary world too.  Specifically those of us involved in self publishing who would seem to do anything to get our literature noticed.  Now I’m guessing there are people not unlike our gentleman in the previous paragraphs posing as a nineteen-year-old student from California who would write you a pro review for mere pennies but I found out something a little worse; especially for the amazon.com world.

 

The term is sockpuppetry and the initial reference I found it in was an article in Forbes by contributor Suw Chairman-Anderson.  Here’s the link to the article: http://www.forbes.com/sites/suwcharmananderson/2012/08/28/fake-reviews-amazons-rotten-core/#5941d94a66d6.  It’s direct target is author Stephen Leather who’s genre is thrillers.  Now I admit I’ve never read any one of Mr. Leather’s books it is apparent he is a professional author, (I looked him and his stuff up.  Interwebz, right?) however he publicly admitted to creating bogus accounts to create fake reviews for his books on Amazon and creating a buzz to sell them.  Apparently this is a thing and one that’s not frowned upon much. 

 

Now, I have gone through times where I thought in creating reviews with other accounts and I could harbor a guess others have thought about the same or have gone as far as Stephen Leather has whether or not they had the balls to admit it in public later in life after gaining an agent worth their weight in salt and a major publisher.  Instead I decided to stick with my character and create this blog site instead.  And taking the high road has resulted with one sold copy whereas that guy lives in Thailand and has sold millions.  It’s a bitter pill. 

 

The reverse is also true, it seems.  There are fake accounts created to give good reviews to themselves or even their friends but they’d use this evil power against others to troll them down with a garbage review.  It’s like dealing with a literary super pac I think.  Or at least I think such things can spiral out of control.  It gets that crazy on Twitter at times.

 

So have you literary fiends out there thought about it yourself?  Have you contacted an outside source to create a media review to promote your book or your gig to generate buzz?  Did you get trolled by competition who felt threatened enough to drag your book through the mud.  Feel free to leave comments down below.

 

Now, a few other things:

 

First, Pokemon Go:  A new kind of zombie walkers with cell phones that could have devastating effects.  I won’t judge you if you stick to a few guidelines as you should have done with your cell phone before this app came into being.  One, when you drive a motorized vehicle, such as a car or motorcycle, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME! Please stick to driving said vehicle and keep the phone away.  Two, when you are walking outside, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME!  Leave the phone in your pocket.  The problem with this second part you must wander outside to catch Pokemon and therefore have the phones out as you search.  If you wish to do this while you walk don’t be looking at your phone.  Look up and about while walking in the real world and when you need to see where you’re at in the game, stop first, then look at the screen.  That will be acceptable behavior when playing Pokemon Go.  Constantly looking at the screen and walking, NOT GOOD!

 

(Takes a deep breath)

 

And second, I’m trying to create audio videos for my YouTube channel and having a hell of a f*&%!*g time doing it.  The audio file is done, the picture is chosen, but apparently my movie maker is not cooperating with me.  So I have no idea when I’ll get this albatross done.

 

So that’s my weekly blog…yeah it’s becoming a weekly occurance, who knew?

 

TTFN

 

Victoria Banner is a comedian from Vancouver, BC.  Links! https://victoriabanner.com/, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRm0KtZsfUV1zJaMQyDFRgA.  If anyone is lucky enough to find one of her gigs, go see the show.  If anyone sees one of her gigs happening in Michigan, let me know so I can go see her.  If you’re going to promote a comedy show in Michigan, hire her, so I can go see her gig.

Literary Secret Agent Person

So this week I’m going to be doing two major things writing wise with my week off.  First, I am attempting to create a comprehensive outline for the novel I am going to endeavor to create for the 3 Day Novel Contest on Labor Day weekend.  Go ahead and Google it.  It’s like NaNoWriMo on steroids.  The second thing I’ll be doing is trying to create new query letters for my novel Daemon on the anticipation for it’s final edits stage.  The latter of the two got me thinking about all the trials and tribulations I dealt with both that novel and my earlier work, Shifter, when it came to dealing with writing out their queries and hopefully gain the acceptance of some agent or possibly traditional publishing house who still accepted unagented authors.  Also the many times I tried getting certain short stories put into magazines or compilations only to receive rejection notices from their editors.  These are my “fond” recollections.  Bear in mind I’m going to get a bit snarky with some sort of light in the tunnel at the end, so try to always stay positive in your voyage into traditional publishing.

 

I finished writing Shifter back in 2008.  Many of us remember the downturn in the economy and the literary world was no different in its effects, apparently.  Now I’ll never remember how many agents I sent queries to, for this book, for Daemon, or anything else for that matter.  I just know I was very unforgiving to a poor tree for so many letters being sent out at the time.  (Many agents and editors still accepted snail mail product.) But I do recall Shifter received all answers back from its queries with all but one rejecting me.  The one who didn’t requested the first three chapters from me.  Anxious, I sent them what they requested where I received an immediate “Not interested.”  Many of the rejections cited the economic downturn that made it seem like an easy excuse for them.  Still, there were many, “Not interested,” some that tried to sound encouraging to “Keep writing” after it was more of a feeling of why it’s terrible; some sort of passive aggressive torture at that point.  There were even your various one word “No” responses.  Just the word “no.”  No constructive criticism, just one word with their signature stamped on the missive.  Thanks for bothering, I guess.

 

Now we come to Daemon, a novel it took a year for me to writing, mostly in the sleeper berth of a tractor trailer in between pick ups and drop offs so, for me, I really cranked this one out and believed I worked hard on it.  Finished it in 2010 and couldn’t wait to start sending out queries for this one.  The economy was picking back up so agents couldn’t use that excuse again and I’m three novels deep in writing, plus several short stories in between, and I felt this could yield a better response.

 

Unfortunately it was quite the opposite.  Again I cannot recall how many queries I sent out, however I’m sure it was double the about that I sent out for the previous novel, and every single response I received was, for the most part, “Not interested.”  That is when I received rejection letters.  I only received responses from half of the agents to whom I sent queries out.  The other half didn’t even bother to respond.

 

Now, here is to my understanding.  Yes you get tons of queries from people of all walks of life but since Daemon there are a few published works I attempted to read because of their popularity.  Usually I can finish a book unless it suuuuuuuuuucks.  And the two in question are Twilight & Grey.  Please excuse me whilst I go regurgitae.

 

(Intermission while the song “Happy Happy Joy Joy” is played)

 

Okay.  I get infuriated at times.  The rejection letters really bite my craw and I wish they were a little better than the feeling of “That’s nice, you wrote a book.  How adorable.  Now run along now and let the grown ups write the real fiction.”  But between all the passive aggressive vetoing that I can wade myself through I have received on rejection letter that I proudly keep around.  Granted this was way back in 2002, to me this is how a rejection letter should read.  I first asked it’s author if I could put it in my blogpost so that I didn’t get in trouble with any possible misquoting.  Nope, this is verbatim from an editor of a compilation I attempted to be featured.

 

January 12, 2002

 

H.R. Green

6--- H---- Drive

B----------, MI

 

 Thanks for sending “Stormjammers” to  Beyond the Last Star.

 

I really enjoyed reading the story – which incidentally really felt like the middle-to-end part of a much longer novel.  (I kept getting distracted by wishing I could have seen Brice before he got nailed, and his relationship with his princess, and Kregor’s world, and just exactly what Jettison paths were, and how they got formulated.)  Lots of action, and I liked the voice.

 

But.  This really is an end times story, it doesn’t fit the guidelines for this anthology, so much as for the last one Bone of the Earth. The way I see the guidelines is that the story would pick up after Kregor begins his new life…and what happens then.

 

Thanks again-

 

Sherwood Smith

 

Take note agents, THAT is how you write a rejection letter!

 

Sherwood’s website is here: http://www.sherwoodsmith.net/ .  She’s a writer of fantasy, science fiction & historical romance and was once nominated for a Nebula award.  I think she has a little bit of weight of what’s she’s writing about.

 

Well, that’s three straight weeks of blogging.  I think that’s a record for me.  Maybe we’ll try for four after I figure out how to make a audio video for youtube.

 

TTFN

The Unfinished

There’s a lot of nagging words that plague you during your journey as a writer.  A lot of them nag you while your writing text in your story, whether it is background or a heated argument those type of nagging words tends to elude your memory, even now, the time of search engines and auto correct or reading a scathing review of your work.  Those words from the latter of the two are a hurting type of nag that won’t leave.  Then there’s one that just sits there, creating a malaise of feelings ranging from disappointment to fear to almost absolute hatred.  My ultimate nagging word is unfinished!

            Oh, it’s going to happen…A LOT!  It could be this cool idea you had for this short story or trying to map out an outline for a novel or your wonderful poem you just can’t wait to show your family and friends to see what they think.  Then you stop.  You stop the piece of possibly several reasons.  Many you’re too tired to keep your head off your laptop or your many laid out papers on your desk.  Maybe a family member all of the sudden wishes your attention and has derailed your train of thought.  Quite possibly, what I mentioned above, you can’t find the right words and you decide to walk away from your project hoping it may spark something in your brain.  Whatever it may be, eventually that work is going to be stored away or even lost for days, weeks, or even years.  And then sometimes it’ll nag at you like certain fictional characters that shall remain nameless.

           

I have two examples of this final hypothesis of nagging:

 

            First:  I thought I wrote a short story entitled “Maximillion, Matthias, and Marty.”  At the current place of work the entire story unfolded into my head while running a press.  I couldn’t stop and just write stuff down so I had to fight to keep the entire story inside my brain so that I didn’t forget every little bit of the story.  When I got home I was giggling and laughing as I made a b line to my computer.  Three hours later this story was rough draft finished.  I am sure we writers love when creativity just jumps out of us like that and finishes itself.  We would sit back as if we just ran a marathon looking at the screen at the “gem” we had just created.

            I started showing it to people like a proud papa knowing they would love the story until I tried getting it into magazines or compilations.  A keen editor pointed out that there really wasn’t a real plot here.  It wasn’t really explained why the three brothers showed up in the greasy diner, other than one of the men picked it and the story ended with too many questions.  It wasn’t a defiant ending.  The more the editor went into it I suddenly realized the story was opening up into a novel and the background was forming, including information on the titular characters.  That’s when I knew it was more a novel than a short story.

            Three Brothers still sits to this day unfinished.  I think it’s fifteen years old now.

 

            Second: I wrote this short story from scratch for this upcoming compilation.  I worked really hard on the word count (they were really specific on how much) as I already know the science fiction/fantasy subject matter at the time.  After the third rewrite I thought “Last of the Storms” was ready for perusal for the head people of the project.  However, like usual, I received a rejection letter for it.  However this one was different.  The editor actually liked my story and they thought it was good enough to be in the compilation if it wasn’t for one thing.  It seemed like it was part of a bigger story.  The editor when into detail about certain minor characters that were discarded very early in the story and that I never elaborated on their background.  Nor the race the protagonist was from or the obvious history from other characters. 

            I sat back and stared at the story for many moments after reading the letter and felt the light bulb turn on.  “Damnit!  I wrote a middle chapter of a novel.”

            Stormjammers is also sitting around with fifteen-year-old dust on it, unfinished.

 

            I know there’s a ton of poetry and song lyrics just lying around never to see the light of day along with discarded notes and the beginnings of novels just laying to waste.  As you go year to year as a writer it’s going to happen.  You can either let it consume you and you go so mad that you have psychotic episodes every six months or you can do what I do and just accept the fact that it happens.  Maybe, someday, it’ll turn back up in your head and it’ll go to another story; find another home.  Or it was merely background for something else.  It’s the circle of life, Simba. 

            Just remember one thing as a writer when it comes to the unfinished.  It doesn’t matter how redundant it may become early on when they are first created or how much clutter they create when they sit around collecting imaginary dust.  Don’t forget to SAVE YOUR WORK!  You’re welcome.

 

            By the way, just for added fun and understanding about my self torment in writing, I just thought of another story idea just by writing this blog.

 

(SHAKING FIST IN THE AIR!)

Now a shout out to Briana Mae Morgan.  This is her website: http://www.brianamaemorgan.com/ if you click on the link today you'll see my guest blog on the very tip top of her website.  She writes books and edits too.  Give her some love.

TTFN

 

When the Creative Process Takes a Sharp Left Turn

I’m going to talk about something a little insane. To some writers this isn’t insanity.  Instead it’s quite normal and at times expected.  So there will be those of you who will be taken a back to this.  My characters talk to me in my head. (Singing: “These are the voices…the voices in my head.”)

            This kind of problem goes into the lines of “The Devil finds Work for Idle Hands.”  So when my mind wanders they tend to pop in unannounced and proceed to spark a conversation with me.  Sometimes I would find myself imagining conversations between characters.  This would get weird because sometimes a dead character is there or they aren’t part of the same universe.

            I’ve also had characters from role playing games join in and had friends who would do the same thing with theirs.

            Daemon is the most dominant of the characters, obviously, as he is basically my alter ego.  These conversations have been turning pretty unfriendly as of late.  It usually ends up like this:

 

DAEMON:

(Sighs) Reading another book?

ME:

Uh…yeah.  That’s what this is in my hand; a book.

DAEMON:

Is it still about that schmuck of a vampire from your twitter friend?

ME:

(Looking back into the book) Yes.  It’s the second in the series.

DAEMON:

Why aren’t you writing anything?

ME:

(Still looking in the book) Because I’d rather be reading right now

DAEMON:

(Lets out a big sigh then speaks under his breath) Yeah, sure, okay.

ME:

What’s your problem?

DAEMON:

Well it seems you’ve been reading a lot lately but haven’t been devoting any time to your own stuff.

ME:

That’s because I have no time and I’m actually hooked to my friend’s stuff, so I’m going to read it.  Why?  And why are you so concerned about my writing anything?  None of your stories are even up to get done yet.

DAEMON:

Why not?  I’m clearly the best character you’ve written.  I’m the most interesting of all of them so I don’t see why you can’t just continue writing about me.

ME:

Maybe I don’t want to get stuck writing the same ol’ crap over and over again.  When something intriguing comes up when it has you in it I’ll write about you again.  Until then, you can shut your cake hole.

DAEMON:

So is that how you treat your intellectual property?

ME:

(Goes back to his book and says nothing)

DAEMON:

You know I might just disappear and then where will you be?

ME:

Probably writing about Millicent.

DAEMON:

Why the hell would you do that?  She’s not interesting at all.

ME:

No, she’s interesting enough to get her own novel.  A novel that you’ll appear in, I might add.

DAEMON:

So when the hell will you write a story where I’m the primary character again?

ME:

I dunno. Does it matter if you die?

DAEMON:

(Stands in silence)

ME:

Yes, I have that power and have been mulling over when I exactly kill you off.

DAEMON:

(Still gives more silence)

ME:

I knew that would shut you up.  Can I go back to reading my friend’s book now?  I’m really digging the werewolf culture she’s created here.

DAEMON:

(Sounding defeated) Yeah, sure.  Have fun.

But now Millicent has recently chimed in with her two cents.  I think it’s because I finally found a model who really closely resembles her physical appearance and she probably doesn’t like it.  But she convinced me that I should write a sequel of sorts to the last Daemon novel.  I say sequel of sorts because it takes place in between to chapters.  If you wanna know which ones then buy the book and read it.

            So it seems Daemon wins for now, but only because I believe to set up Milly’s own novel right I have to write a second book to Daemon, thus sort of making it a series.  So right now the working title is Daemon 2: Electric Boogaloo until I think of a much better title.  I really hate it when my kids win.

            So let me know.  Do any of you suffer from the same afflictions?  Far as I’m concerned my brain is far too crowded in the first place.  Do you ever get a character that yells at you “Talk about me!  Talk about me or I’ll f*****g go away!”  Or does a dream leave a lasting enough impression than you have to write it down as soon as you wake up?

            Now I have one shout out for this blog because I really think this person deserves the attention.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRCe6LdbF9X5660wsqpBZvA is the YouTube channel for Sarah Ortega.  Please subscribe to it, she's really really good.


TTFN

You'll Be in For a Disappointment. Are You Strong Enough to Deal With It?

A while ago, a twitter bud of mine, Resa, had a mini rant.  This is my two cents.

Apparently there’s a rash of people out there that have it completely wrong when creating a novel.  I blame reality television myself where anyone can stretch that thirteen minutes of fame and somehow make it a decade of seasons where people become famous for being themselves.  This seems to have trickled down to the literary ranks the past few years where people think they can write one book, put it on a self-publishing site and all of the sudden become famous because they wrote a book.

            Don’t quit your day jobs kids that will not happen.  And if you don’t have a job and think this will pay the bills I suggest you go to Manpower and get something on the quick because that line of thinking will not do at all.

            Now, I’ve written three or four books, depending on my mood the day I’m asked how many I’ve finished, so I have an idea about writing something and trying to get it published “properly.”  Then finding out nobody in traditional publishing wants your work so you’ll turn to self-publishing because your book will still be out there to be noticed.  This is one way to go and self-publishing is still fairly new.

            Back in the day (2005) I decided to self-publish my collection of stories that contained my first full novel with a print on demand company who these days will remain nameless.  Back then it was call vanity publishing, giving by the traditional publishing companies as an attempt to lessen their value on the public.  But then I wrote another novel, went through the process of trying to get an agent, received plenty of rejection letters and one that wanted my first three chapters.  After I sent my first three chapters then I was rejected.

            Then there was a third novel I put through the same process receiving only half the rejection letters back and the other half of agents just did not bother sending anything at all.  Ever since thing I’ve never finished another novel.  This however was my experience with traditional publishing.

            My experience with self-publishing is much more bleak.  I’ve only sold one copy combined off the three or four books that are out there.  That means the others have sold nothing.  So, no, it is not preordained that you’ll be selling books right away and all of the sudden you become famous.  99.997% of the time it won’t happen.

            And besides, why the hell do you want to be famous.  I know I certainly don’t.  That means I have to deal with scores of fans that know exactly what I look like when I’m in public.  I have a hard time dealing with people as a complete nobody right now, I sure as frack won’t be able to stand it when I’m recognized.  I like the idea of being a recluse instead.  What I truly wish is what I create became famous, that’s the difference.  To look back to at least one book that you know will stand the test of time, smile, and know I created that.  To hell with being famous now, create something from your mind and imagination that will stand the test of time well after you’re gone like countless other authors have in the past.  Three centuries later classrooms are reading your books as required as part of the period like you had to read Shakespeare, Dickens, Mellville, Hawthorne or more contemporary like Huxley or Fitzgerald.  That’s the best kind of fame there; that’s immortality.

            But there’s a lot of hard work that lay from that destination and where you start.  I’m not trying to scare you into not writing, just trying to be a realist in some of what is ahead of you.

            There are some other people who also talk about this and are going through the same pains as I am, only they’re a lot more successful at it:  K.M. Weiland has her website, helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com and she recently released the steampunk fantasy Stormin’.  Briana Mae Morgan is a freelance editor and author.  Her website is brianamaemorgan.com and recently released the novel Blood & Water.  And last but not least is Laura Del who’s website is thefictionwriters.net.  She also wrote the novels Graveyard Shifts & Dueling Moons and the novella “Ghosts Among Men.”  These three ladies also have their blogs within their websites, Laura and Briana also have YouTube channels.  They are also better for the advice than I, since I’m a hell of a lot more jaded from my experiences.  I know well the three float wonderful encouragement back to you and they are very personable, despite being super busy.  Really, I have no idea where they find the energy

Dismantling a Nightmare

Starting this month I delve into the last of my books to rewrite for the final time and after I do this I have to decide if I want to put it back onto the selling block or just hide it away forever so wandering eyes don’t have to stare at the mistake that it has become.

There are a plethora of guides and books on how to be a better writer or how to write a better story/novel.  You can find many in bookstores, libraries, and online for free.  It’s like finding books on personal growth only not in such huge volumes.  What you do not normally find are guides on what not to do.  Then you have writers who discuss their process usually slightly different from the rest.  This isn’t one of those guides.

            Today, this is not one of those guides.  This is the short, painful story of my first novel I wrote from beginning to end.  The novel is called Machete Mauler and it was a story I thought it was cool at the time.  However there are several things I did wrong that made this a huge train wreck and probably the major reason why I’ve only sold one book in my one decade of actively writing.  As I am writing this blog post the original version is still out there to be purchased.  As soon as I get around to tell the publishing house in question to finally take it off their virtual shelves I’ll make sure that dreck will never be found again.  I mean this book actually caused physical pain and I’m not very proud of that.  Here are some things I did wrong with the first novel I began and finished.

            Number one: I didn’t stick to a tense.

            Yep, I jumped around the tense of the story like a monkey first discovering a trampoline.  What surprised me so much was my blatant disregard for not sticking to one tense.  I will point several times to my mentioning that this novel produced “physical” harm as any editor would be induced with at least a headache trying to fix the tense mix up alone.  Try reading one sentence, not paragraph but sentence that changes the tense four times.  Yeah, I did that five times in the novel.

            And number two: I wrote with absolutely no outline whatsoever whether beginning the story or as I went.

            So this created several problems like key supporting characters with name changes or characteristic changes in the middle of the story.  The reader is not supposed to get an aneurysm but I tried to write this book from beginning to end just by sheer memory.  What a bad idea.

            Now I’m going to attempt to a final pass edit on this story.  After I am done I have to make the decision to let this book go back out there to be read or just shove it under the bed in hopes that nobody will ever see it until I pass…maybe.  I’m expecting a lot of watery eyes from this book.

            But it isn’t the worst way I tried writing a story.  The very first novel I attempted to write, and this was back in eleventh grade, I decided to write the first seventy-four pages of the book as the story’s background.  Apparently I thought this was a great idea at the time until I decided to read it one day.  ::SNORE::  Now it just sits in story limbo with a lot of other projects I’ve either started or just mulled over until I finally get around to doing it.

            After these two learning experiences I thought I’ve written two other books at least worthy of other people reading them without me just giving them away.  Daemon  & Shifter have been put through the final pass and are now available in paperback form, however the previous of the two will possibly be put through the copy edit process by a professional then I can finally rest easy on the book I thought I wrote the best.  We’ll see.

 

Now a review

 

Recently I read the novel Blood & Water by Briana Morgan.  It’s a dystopian young adult novel set in the near future set in London and Calais, France.  Rather than going through the arduous task of explaining outbreak disease that rocked the world, Miss Morgan decides to focus on a group of four people; three teens and one of the teen’s older sister as they go on a small trip in hopes to rid the disease that lie in two of them.  The book is written to the point of view of Jay, one of the people with the non-named plague disease as he copes with the severe changes in his life.  Dare I say it’s a refreshing change for a dystopian story (yes I used the word refreshing) to put it on such a personable level.  The only thing that seemed a little rushed and convenient was the introduction to the doctor they went to see in Calais, France.  However her subplot is pivotal to the story, I just wished the author could have integrated her introduction with the story more smoothly.  Still it was an enjoyable read.