Geppetto You Ain't

Many people in any sort of business that requires promoting will tell you “there are no such things as a bad publicity.”  Well, really, that isn’t the case, especially with this age of social media.  The world is full of eggshells on the ground and you have to be careful not to step in the wrong place and make the loudest noise.

 

Recently I came across a review for a comedy show that was produced by a twitter bud of mine, Victoria Banner called Goddamn Millennials.  I’ve seen YouTube videos on all the comedians featured in the show and they were all pretty funny.  Victoria is also damned funny otherwise she wouldn’t be mentioned here.  Anyway, this apparent reviewer claims to be from California and can write you a “newspaper article for press release” for a mere five dollars.  Now one, this person is definitely a scam artist and not a very good one, and, two, you usually get what you pay for; just five dollars will not get you much.

 

You can read the review in question here: https://victoriabanner.com/2016/06/19/high-praise-for-my-shows-according-to-a-freelance-writer-from-singapore/.  Just don’t read it with your literary eyes; it’s painful.  This is just for a laugh.  Remember this person is supposed to be writing a review for a comedy show that featured four comedians from the Vancouver BC area.  The reviewer could have written better if he just saw the promo videos Victoria created and posted on her YouTube channel then just creating a document out of the air attempting to baffle the readership with b*^#$@!t.  Victoria even made a video trying to read the review out loud.  Here’s a link to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCUx_BF22E4. This is so bad it’s comedy gold.

 

So after delving into this I got to thinking; this must be happening in the literary world too.  Specifically those of us involved in self publishing who would seem to do anything to get our literature noticed.  Now I’m guessing there are people not unlike our gentleman in the previous paragraphs posing as a nineteen-year-old student from California who would write you a pro review for mere pennies but I found out something a little worse; especially for the amazon.com world.

 

The term is sockpuppetry and the initial reference I found it in was an article in Forbes by contributor Suw Chairman-Anderson.  Here’s the link to the article: http://www.forbes.com/sites/suwcharmananderson/2012/08/28/fake-reviews-amazons-rotten-core/#5941d94a66d6.  It’s direct target is author Stephen Leather who’s genre is thrillers.  Now I admit I’ve never read any one of Mr. Leather’s books it is apparent he is a professional author, (I looked him and his stuff up.  Interwebz, right?) however he publicly admitted to creating bogus accounts to create fake reviews for his books on Amazon and creating a buzz to sell them.  Apparently this is a thing and one that’s not frowned upon much. 

 

Now, I have gone through times where I thought in creating reviews with other accounts and I could harbor a guess others have thought about the same or have gone as far as Stephen Leather has whether or not they had the balls to admit it in public later in life after gaining an agent worth their weight in salt and a major publisher.  Instead I decided to stick with my character and create this blog site instead.  And taking the high road has resulted with one sold copy whereas that guy lives in Thailand and has sold millions.  It’s a bitter pill. 

 

The reverse is also true, it seems.  There are fake accounts created to give good reviews to themselves or even their friends but they’d use this evil power against others to troll them down with a garbage review.  It’s like dealing with a literary super pac I think.  Or at least I think such things can spiral out of control.  It gets that crazy on Twitter at times.

 

So have you literary fiends out there thought about it yourself?  Have you contacted an outside source to create a media review to promote your book or your gig to generate buzz?  Did you get trolled by competition who felt threatened enough to drag your book through the mud.  Feel free to leave comments down below.

 

Now, a few other things:

 

First, Pokemon Go:  A new kind of zombie walkers with cell phones that could have devastating effects.  I won’t judge you if you stick to a few guidelines as you should have done with your cell phone before this app came into being.  One, when you drive a motorized vehicle, such as a car or motorcycle, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME! Please stick to driving said vehicle and keep the phone away.  Two, when you are walking outside, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME!  Leave the phone in your pocket.  The problem with this second part you must wander outside to catch Pokemon and therefore have the phones out as you search.  If you wish to do this while you walk don’t be looking at your phone.  Look up and about while walking in the real world and when you need to see where you’re at in the game, stop first, then look at the screen.  That will be acceptable behavior when playing Pokemon Go.  Constantly looking at the screen and walking, NOT GOOD!

 

(Takes a deep breath)

 

And second, I’m trying to create audio videos for my YouTube channel and having a hell of a f*&%!*g time doing it.  The audio file is done, the picture is chosen, but apparently my movie maker is not cooperating with me.  So I have no idea when I’ll get this albatross done.

 

So that’s my weekly blog…yeah it’s becoming a weekly occurance, who knew?

 

TTFN

 

Victoria Banner is a comedian from Vancouver, BC.  Links! https://victoriabanner.com/, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRm0KtZsfUV1zJaMQyDFRgA.  If anyone is lucky enough to find one of her gigs, go see the show.  If anyone sees one of her gigs happening in Michigan, let me know so I can go see her.  If you’re going to promote a comedy show in Michigan, hire her, so I can go see her gig.

Literary Secret Agent Person

So this week I’m going to be doing two major things writing wise with my week off.  First, I am attempting to create a comprehensive outline for the novel I am going to endeavor to create for the 3 Day Novel Contest on Labor Day weekend.  Go ahead and Google it.  It’s like NaNoWriMo on steroids.  The second thing I’ll be doing is trying to create new query letters for my novel Daemon on the anticipation for it’s final edits stage.  The latter of the two got me thinking about all the trials and tribulations I dealt with both that novel and my earlier work, Shifter, when it came to dealing with writing out their queries and hopefully gain the acceptance of some agent or possibly traditional publishing house who still accepted unagented authors.  Also the many times I tried getting certain short stories put into magazines or compilations only to receive rejection notices from their editors.  These are my “fond” recollections.  Bear in mind I’m going to get a bit snarky with some sort of light in the tunnel at the end, so try to always stay positive in your voyage into traditional publishing.

 

I finished writing Shifter back in 2008.  Many of us remember the downturn in the economy and the literary world was no different in its effects, apparently.  Now I’ll never remember how many agents I sent queries to, for this book, for Daemon, or anything else for that matter.  I just know I was very unforgiving to a poor tree for so many letters being sent out at the time.  (Many agents and editors still accepted snail mail product.) But I do recall Shifter received all answers back from its queries with all but one rejecting me.  The one who didn’t requested the first three chapters from me.  Anxious, I sent them what they requested where I received an immediate “Not interested.”  Many of the rejections cited the economic downturn that made it seem like an easy excuse for them.  Still, there were many, “Not interested,” some that tried to sound encouraging to “Keep writing” after it was more of a feeling of why it’s terrible; some sort of passive aggressive torture at that point.  There were even your various one word “No” responses.  Just the word “no.”  No constructive criticism, just one word with their signature stamped on the missive.  Thanks for bothering, I guess.

 

Now we come to Daemon, a novel it took a year for me to writing, mostly in the sleeper berth of a tractor trailer in between pick ups and drop offs so, for me, I really cranked this one out and believed I worked hard on it.  Finished it in 2010 and couldn’t wait to start sending out queries for this one.  The economy was picking back up so agents couldn’t use that excuse again and I’m three novels deep in writing, plus several short stories in between, and I felt this could yield a better response.

 

Unfortunately it was quite the opposite.  Again I cannot recall how many queries I sent out, however I’m sure it was double the about that I sent out for the previous novel, and every single response I received was, for the most part, “Not interested.”  That is when I received rejection letters.  I only received responses from half of the agents to whom I sent queries out.  The other half didn’t even bother to respond.

 

Now, here is to my understanding.  Yes you get tons of queries from people of all walks of life but since Daemon there are a few published works I attempted to read because of their popularity.  Usually I can finish a book unless it suuuuuuuuuucks.  And the two in question are Twilight & Grey.  Please excuse me whilst I go regurgitae.

 

(Intermission while the song “Happy Happy Joy Joy” is played)

 

Okay.  I get infuriated at times.  The rejection letters really bite my craw and I wish they were a little better than the feeling of “That’s nice, you wrote a book.  How adorable.  Now run along now and let the grown ups write the real fiction.”  But between all the passive aggressive vetoing that I can wade myself through I have received on rejection letter that I proudly keep around.  Granted this was way back in 2002, to me this is how a rejection letter should read.  I first asked it’s author if I could put it in my blogpost so that I didn’t get in trouble with any possible misquoting.  Nope, this is verbatim from an editor of a compilation I attempted to be featured.

 

January 12, 2002

 

H.R. Green

6--- H---- Drive

B----------, MI

 

 Thanks for sending “Stormjammers” to  Beyond the Last Star.

 

I really enjoyed reading the story – which incidentally really felt like the middle-to-end part of a much longer novel.  (I kept getting distracted by wishing I could have seen Brice before he got nailed, and his relationship with his princess, and Kregor’s world, and just exactly what Jettison paths were, and how they got formulated.)  Lots of action, and I liked the voice.

 

But.  This really is an end times story, it doesn’t fit the guidelines for this anthology, so much as for the last one Bone of the Earth. The way I see the guidelines is that the story would pick up after Kregor begins his new life…and what happens then.

 

Thanks again-

 

Sherwood Smith

 

Take note agents, THAT is how you write a rejection letter!

 

Sherwood’s website is here: http://www.sherwoodsmith.net/ .  She’s a writer of fantasy, science fiction & historical romance and was once nominated for a Nebula award.  I think she has a little bit of weight of what’s she’s writing about.

 

Well, that’s three straight weeks of blogging.  I think that’s a record for me.  Maybe we’ll try for four after I figure out how to make a audio video for youtube.

 

TTFN